Friendship and the City

Posted by Judy Johnson On Monday, 15 November 2010 00:42
Sex and the City is brilliant, but I think they got the title all wrong (though I suppose theirs is more catchy). I've always been lucky to have some great friends around me. But moving to London for uni was tough to start with, as while a lot of my friends went to the same unis together, I was off on my own to a grotty area of south London that looked like the set of Crimewatch.

Five years on and obviously, I made a bunch of bloody brilliant friends at uni and am keeping them for life (shhh, don't tell them). And I also kept hold of another brilliant bunch from home, because they weren't getting rid of me that easily. But during that five years, I finished uni, was thrown back into singledom and everything changed.

When you're in a relationship you become so reliant on that one person or at least the knowledge that they are there if you need them, that you can lose sight of your friends and the fact that they are very much there too (apart from when he does something wrong and you go running straight to your mates for a moan).

So when suddenly you become single, it takes a while to train yourself into realising that though he's not there anymore, there are people you can reach out to. I couldn't have got through my break up without my best friends who were always at the end of the phone, in the next room or reading essay-long Facebook messages about how much it hurt. This is no easy job if you're the listener, especially if you have a few friends who have got the blues at the same time - not to mention your own problems - but the age old saying that men will come and go while friends are for life (or something like that!) is definitely true. It just takes time to get used to texting your best mate first when you feel sad, or when you have news - instead of calling the guy who's been on speed dial for four years.

Non-singles find it harder to understand, and I say this based on being one, once upon a time. I know so many people now (myself included) who find 'coupley' couples REALLY annoying... and yes, those people are all single. As soon as you're with someone, you tend to forget what it was like to be single, the feeling you'd get when someone told you something about your ex that you didn't want to hear, and what it was like to feel the odd one out because everyone else is loved up. Instead, you flaunt your new-found romance, casually mention something about your mate's ex without thinking, and smooch in public while your mates sit there feeling uncomfortable/jealous/lonely. 

My friends and I had this chat after a few bottles of wine and decided that for those of us who are single, we were all we had - none of us felt able to chat to our families about how lonely we sometimes felt, and with no boy to give us a hug we now need each other more than ever. So, to those of you who are living in singlesville - make your friends your priority. There's a reason Carrie had her best friends around her at all times.  And those of you in relationships - don't forget what it was like to be alone. Your one single friend might be in a room with a whole bunch of you, but they could be feeling completely isolated at the same time. Now, even if I do grow up to be a spinster with cats, at least I'll know I have friends who will listen, don't have four legs and can use a phone...

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2 Response to " Friendship and the City "

  1. This is so true - the love your friends give you is greater than what any man can provide.

    Believe me when I say it's better to be single for many years than to be with a complete waste of space that robs you of your energy and self-respect. Remember, those annoying couples could be really miserable behind all that PDA. Well, we can hope at least!

    I know you will find a lovely man to make you feel loved one day, because the best things comes to those who wait ;) xxx


  2. Friends Said,

    I think there's a responsibility on both sides Judy. Coupled-up lovebirds must respect (but not pussy-foot around) their single friends.

    But singles also need to recognise that being in a relationship does inevitably change you and your outlook on life.

    Groups hugs all round :0)


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