Frogs and flaws

Posted by Judy Johnson On Sunday, 23 June 2013 18:29 0 comments
Image from Google
We single folk know that to find Mr Perfect we have to meet a few Mr Imperfects along the way (note to couples - it would be nice if you realised this too and stopped giving us a hard time for not finding him yet). But the problem with this, as I have recently discovered, is an issue of self esteem. 

First, you have to feel good enough about yourself to put yourself out there and date in the first place - amazingly, I got to this point again recently and managed to throw myself into dateland yet again. So far, so good. 

But then come the frogs. They're not necessarily bad - hell, you might even like them - but when they don't like you back, or they're not right, there comes a dent in your self esteem that just keeps getting bigger. Every man's failure to text back, every date that ends just a little too soon, every man that doesn't even attempt to flirt with you, hacks away at your already wavering sense of self worth and attractiveness until at some point it's almost non existent. 

After every date that hasn't gone quite as expected, I've been left wondering why… which I know is the most dangerous question in singledom, but it's inevitable. Why wasn't he interested? Why can't I just meet someone I click with? Why was he in such a hurry to leave? Why is this so hard? And then come the answers; the little things you don't like about yourself, that you always hope others won't notice, the things that niggle at you because all your friends seem flawless while you're walking around as one giant flaw. WOE IS ME. 

Obviously, eventually you realise you shouldn't give a crap because they're all Mr Wrong, but still, the damage is done and those dents are there. I've found myself comparing everything I hate about me to everything I love about my friends (and maybe Beyonce, who would totally be my BFF if only she knew I existed) and it's not a good feeling. 

There are only so many rejections a girl can take before it's time to hang up the dating shoes and go frogless for a while - something I'm currently trying. And given that my favourite dating site, Guardian Soulmates, has just inexplicably (literally - no email to notify users) changed its rules so that now to view photos and messages you have to pay up, it couldn't be a better time to give up and get back to enjoying life as a single girl. 

Yes, I'm sad at the constant wedding invitations that make me feel that much more alone; yes, I miss the fun of flirting - but dating? Dating is overrated. Dating involves far too many nerves, far too many hours wasted getting to know someone who doesn't want to know you, and far too many pitying messages from friends who are quick to ask how it went. For now, I'm just me. And while that might not be enough for the men I keep meeting and failing to impress, it's enough for me. 

A quick note about beauty...

Posted by Judy Johnson On Saturday, 22 June 2013 18:06 0 comments
This blog is still a work in progress in that I'm still deciding just what I want to do with it (it's not like it's been live for years or anything) - and so at the moment it's a bit of everything. 

However, I am feeling like it should be more personal, hence all those recent posts about dating, ranting and everything in between. What I have been neglecting is the beauty side - but given that most of my beauty posts are about sensitive skin, I feel these are better left to my new sensitive skin column over at Get the Gloss. There I get to talk to experts, try new treatments and products and pretty much share my ups and downs with skincare in far more detail! 

That's not to say beauty won't pop up here every so often... but a heads up that more rants about life in my twenties might be coming your way.


Dating and the rise of the food snob

Posted by Judy Johnson On Tuesday, 18 June 2013 23:08 0 comments

Things I don't understand about dating number one (billion): why do dating sites want to know what kind of food I like? It's been a question on every site I've joined (there's been a few) and I have still not worked out how it helps me find a date... 

Do I care if a man eats Indian food and I don't? Do I need to know if his favourite meal is a roast dinner? I couldn't care less. We live in a century where it's ok for a woman to order different food to a man. Where it's quite easy (if, maybe, a tiny bit more expensive) to cook two different dinners in the same sitting. I'm sure, just because I don't like peanut butter and he does, that doesn't mean we won't find a compromise on say, pizza. And even if we didn't… what the hell does it matter? So long as we agree on something like politics, morals, sense of humour then I'll be happy. 

That said, I do think my choices can put someone off. On a recent date in which I still couldn't tell how well it was going, the subject of food came up. First, I hate eating on a date; it's awkward and unnecessary. I'll inevitably spill something or choke on something, or like I did at a friend's house when I was about 7, cut into a rather well cooked piece of ketchup-covered sausage and see it fling its way across the floor onto the pristine white carpet in front of horrified eyes. Yeah, that happened. Second, if it's a snack and we are sharing, I hate it when I have to turn down a guy's suggestion of 'spicy [insert any kind of food here]'. I have to explain that I cannot under any circumstances eat chilli and I hate spicy food. This exact conversation happened on said occasion and by the look on my date's face I may as well have said I like to punch kittens for fun. What is it with men and spice?

This food obsession never used to be an issue. If my mum and dad (who are soon to celebrate 40 years of marriage) had attempted to bond over a love of food, his hatred of anything nutty and her love of chocolate covered Brazil nuts would have been a deal breaker. I appreciate that men are far more into cooking now than they were in my mum's day (thank goodness, as I can't cook) but the rise of the ever snobby foodie thanks to endless social sharing of food alongside other factors means they are now very hard to please. I can't stand a food snob. I guess it's just a matter of taste… and they should put *that* in their little online forms. 
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