Wagner
For song one we were made to just listen to him, while he stood there not doing very much. It was all very dull, not fun to listen to and frankly perfect proof that the only reason he's there is because he's a jolly-looking Brazilian. Sadly, the irony was not lost when he sang Creep, with lyrics like 'I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here'- yes Wagner, we all think that too. Every week. Poor guy.
The dancers were back in force for song two (though Matt borrowed them later) where he killed Addicted to Love while looking like he was going to a funeral. It might as well be his own given the crowd's boos but then they don't seem to be the ones voting, the silly sods. The 'creep' lyrics came back to mind when he mentioned that he loves working with the dancers on stage.... euw. I hope he doesn't win, just because all the comments after will be so awkward, but at the same time it would be great just to declare this series a write-off much like the Michelle McManus days of Pop Idol (you know she's a TV presenter now? Bit of random trivia for you.)
Cher
Not one of her best performances because it doesn't suit her at all, Cher takes on Girlfriend to start off. They've dressed her in a weird little prom dress which just looks really creepy - it reminds me of (I think this is where it's from) the Gremlins when one is dressed up as a girl and has scary red lipstick on... it's just like putting a little monster in a dress. She was also trying to look a bit sexy and pouty in this but that will never work - unlike Fergie who is tough but sexy, Cher is just tough and looks like she carries a pen knife. She cannot do sultry and I hope she doesn't ever try again.
Song two - singing Walk this Way, Cher ends the night on a better note. I'm not sure if I'm alone in this but I prefer her when she does her 'rap' as for me it actually works and suits her. I just wish she wouldn't dress like a chav, and do that thing with her mouth (see where she says 'kiss' in the lyrics) - it's like a gurning snarl. If she wasn't so full of it, I would like her after this performance.
Rebecca Ferguson
Rebecca starts off with Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, and I couldn't agree more. I am still waiting for her to stop finding the floor fascinating and to move her feet at least shoulder-width apart. Even without a microphone stand as her friend she looks a little lost. More importantly, she looked utterly bored to tears during this song (as was I) - it's almost as if she knows she can sing so she's become a bit lazy, or at least that's how it comes across as she has no performing skills. I think she should be heard and not seen.
Song two is Satisfaction. We are led to believe that Rebecca is learning some choreography and 'performing' for this number in the VT, but what this translates to is her standing still waggling her finger with two overly-jiggly girls either side of her. As Twitter, the voice of reason, collectively agreed - she took the sex out of this song. How, I do not know, because this song oozes sexiness, but she did. Ruined.
Katie Weasel
Oh, the victim is back. The new look just screams psychologically damaged model to me - a little Winona Ryder in Girl, Interrupted even (also, Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell - seriously, that bugs me) - and if we have to hear that this is the 'real Katie' one more time... *scream*. I think the judges have a script to read for Katie's comments, only Dannii doesn't play ball; Louis and Simon seem to be trying too hard (wonder where they got that from?) to promote her and make people think they love her. Sorry guys, it isn't working. Song one was Sex on Fire, which aside from nan-jokes was absolutely terrible. She doesn't have a big voice, she can't control it, she tried to get the audience to 'woop' with her while we all fought the urge to kick the TV, hard. Yet another Weasel fail.
Song two is Everybody Hurts, and now I think we all do thanks to that performance. As my flatmate quite rightly said, all these people should have to sing bad songs so that we don't get as cross. Nothing about her singing style or performance is natural - it is all try-hard and just too much effort for her. If she isn't out in the double elimination, then I don't think anyone is actually voting and it's all just a game of Who Simon Likes.
Matt Cardle
YES! Matt is back with a bang this week (still no hat though). I feel better about the vest incident knowing that originally there was a jacket involved over the top. We can forgive him for this. First up he was singing I Love Rock n Roll, yet another Britney classic eh? If anyone else did this it would probably be awful but Matt can pull it off. I didn't like (quelle surprise) all the dancers around him with their legs in the air... what is Brian Friedman up to this year? Has he turned straight or something?
Secondly Matt sang Knights in White Satin which I'm sure I should have heard of and probably lose all rights to comment for not knowing it, right? Anyway, it was Matt at his very best. Guitar, stool, voice. This is what I would want to see if he did a tour, none of this swaggering around the stage malarky - it doesn't suit him. He's back in the game this week and I think he should win for that last note alone. He didn't look too well though did he?
Tesco Mary
I do not understand the hype for Mary - other than being a genuinely nice person, quite a rarity on X Factor, I do not see the appeal. To start off she sang All I Want Is You, which is yet another Louis fail. She was a little less shouty for this song, but that is the only plus I can find. Image wise, it's all wrong too - with the silver hoop earrings and too much gel in her hair she looks like someone out of Shameless. She looks so much younger with her hair down, so it's weird that they never style it that way for the live shows.
Oh lord help us. Mary is going to move for song two. Though, hats off to her, she does a better job of it than Rebecca doesn't she? Take note Ferguson, if you want to take baby steps towards performing, this mum-dancing is a start. Singing Brass in Pocket, Mary is back to her shouty self while doing little side steps that anyone can imagine their mum or perhaps gran doing. Aww. It's almost worth staying awake for.
One Direction
These cocky kids think their main competition is Matt and Rebecca, the best singers in the competition. Still, it's probably true. One Direction singing rock is like getting the Andrex puppy to bite, it just can't happen. Which is why they sang Summer of '69 oh-so-sweetly and continued on their pop boyband way. Just to make it clear, I cannot stand the one who constantly wears a scarf (the one in red). Not that I like any of them really, but he bugs me the most. It also didn't sound live to me for the chorus - hope Simon isn't cheating?
Later on they came back for the snoozefest that was You Are So Beautiful. Very clever of Simon to give them a ballad because he knows the teenage girls across the country will be kissing the screen with yukky underage lust. It bothered me that only three of them seemed to sing for this one, and never together - bit odd for a band but still, it's X Factor and this isn't even a rock song so who am I to question it...
I am very pleased that two acts will be out this week, and am hoping for Katie and Wagner to be out so that we can be put out of our misery. This is unlikely though. I'd like Mary to go next as I find her very dull, and predict a One Direction, Rebecca and Matt final three - assuming Wagner's social network support doesn't work. I'd actually be fairly happy for either One Direction or Matt to win - though Matt is clearly the best and should take the prize - as it would be good to see a band win it for once, and funny because it will make Westlife look even older than they already do.
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