Oh god, it's Halloween. You know what that means. A lot of fake lashes, bad makeup and bad songs where being scary is an excuse for being bad...

Tesco Mary

Could it be magic? No, probably not. Louis' idea of updating Mary to the 21st century is giving her a very old Take That song (not that it's not awesome - based on the video alone), but she still shouts it out as if she's on a theatre stage. Also, her dress did nothing for her (again) and the judges have already used their favourite word: 'class'. Shall we count how many times they say it?

Aiden

OK, let's start with the look - Aiden, enough with the makeup. You're starting to look less Johnny Depp, more Winona Ryder. Aesthetics aside, this was easily the creepiest performance of the night, though I'm sure we all expected that (I assume Katie will be singing Poor Unfortunate Souls from The Little Mermaid or something?). Choosing Thriller was either really stupid or really clever, but definitely brave. I loved that he made it his own and you know exactly who he is as an artist - and don't want to see him smile anymore because that's scarier than the intensity...

Belle Amie
Bearing in mind I watched this on catch up, I would like to say I only bothered watching this for the purpose of this blog. I'll try to stay awake. Easily, one of the worst song choices of all X Factor history - Venus was murdered (though it was half dead already) by the girl non-group. Who wasn't thinking of the razor advert? No one.  They should have stayed in those coffins or gone trick or treating instead. Personally, I think they should ditch the blonde - or 'the pretty one' who can't sing, as she likes to be known, and become a trio. The other three are less annoying and can sort of sing in tune so long as they don't have to dance at the same time. 

Rebecca

Little miss perfect up next, with a witch's hat on already in the VT, isn't she a good sport? Wicked Games was, to be fair, a genius song choice.... too genius perhaps - are they trying to make sure she wins? If she's not careful she'll be known as 'puppet hands' like lovely Diana Vickers was soon, as she seems to be glued to the spot whenever she performs (so yes, Simon, she is very much like the next Leona Lewis). Can't fault her voice though and she would actually be perfect if only she had a personality, but who cares because as they are all saying, she is CLASS. So, like everyone else then. Also, her earrings hurt my eyes.

Treyc

I keep thinking Treyc is in Louis' group because they make her seem so old. I think she'd be better off marketing herself as a Jamelia style, kitten-ish pop star, because at the moment she's just... Treyc with the good voice. Or, she could head up a new girlband a la Eternal. That would be fun. Anyway, she belted out Relight My Fire (Take That night, anyone?) and made us think she might dance but really only wiggled from side to side. Still, her voice wins every time and she looked pretty damn good. The most exciting thing of her performance was after when Simon and Cheryl had a tiff, and Simon agreed with Dannii. First time for everything...

Matt

I admit I cringed when I heard he was singing Bleeding Love, because it is true - Leona is pretty much the only person who can sing it. He didn't own it this week and it felt like he just wanted it to be over and done with. But his voice is still so enjoyable and he's the kind of artist I could listen to for hours on end, so he still gets my vote - and Simon praised him (yay!) and was right in saying that he never does karaoke, it's always pure Matt (swoon). Also, police - I'd like to report the hat is still missing. Getting quite distressed now.

Wagner
Wagner compared the X Factor to Hollywood. Then Brian said for the first time we really get to hear him singing this week. I nearly switched off there and then - the things I do for blogging, eh? His apparently 'operatic' number was supposed to show us how great he is but I didn't understand a word of it and was distracted by the bondage-wearers humping the floor. On the other hand, I feel so sorry for him being Louis' little puppet that he gets to play with each week (now that Storm's gone, double the fun) and worry that he really really wants this and we're all just laughing at him. Ouch. 

Paije

I adore Paije even more, if possible, after this week's performance. Back to Black was pure and utter genius (obviously, because it's Dannii) and just like Matt, he manages to turn it into his very own song that makes me want to press 'play' again. The cinema boy definitely stepped up his performing skills this week (but let's not give too much credit to Brian), but I don't think he's got the clothes right yet. What should he wear? I honestly don't know...

Katie Weasel

Sorry Aiden, I was wrong. This was the creepiest performance of the night because Katie has been turned into the White Witch a la Tilda Swinton, for an annoyingly bouncy version of Bewitched. This girl cannot dance and I think she should probably go into fashion instead, since she clearly likes playing with the dressing up box. Whatever she does, I'd rather she did it away from cameras because I am fed up of seeing her on my TV. Meow. 

One Direction

Do these guys not have colleges to go to or something? Time for the second non-band band of the night and One Direction are pouting already. It makes me feel a bit sick. The curly hair one only has one angry expression when he sings, the moody one has been practising his Lee Ryan face again, and the one with the sweepy hair is acceptable but either way, Total Eclipse of the Heart was NOT built for a wimpy boyband. Give it some welly for goodness' sake.

Cher
Shall we just call it the Cher Factor? Clearly they kept her 'til last because they knew everyone heard she was going for something completely different (what, no lamppost watering tonight?). But, I admit it - this performance was incredible. I absolutely love this Shakespeare's Sister song and was petrified she'd kill it (in a bad way, not a 'street' way) but she seriously pulled it off. She can't hold her notes for long like the other female vocalists can (no, not Katie) but I am impressed with her voice and would probably buy her album. She can be in the top three easily. Never thought I'd say that...

Given that I wrote this a little late I caught the results show already and yes, the voting public have redeemed themselves and Katie and Belle Amie had to battle it out. But then stupid Louis went to stupid deadlock which means we have to listen to Katie/Cruella de Vil/White Witch sing yet again... another reason to find Louis annoying, if you needed one.