I hate shoes. You know what shoes are? They're prisons for the feet, that's what they are. They're tight and uncomfortable and they dig into your ankles, rub your toes until they bleed and make walking painful. If I could live in slippers all day, I would. 

This isn't a new thing for me but after a recent event where I had to wear actual shoes instead of my preferred boots, as well as one shopping trip too many that made me miserable due to the lack of choice, I felt the need to rant. You've been warned...

Size matters

Most girls love shoes. Apparently this stems from the fact that your shoe size doesn't change no matter how much weight you put on over Christmas or how many Easter eggs you eat. But for me, size is part of the issue. Being tall, I am a size eight (in shoe, sadly not dress size) - have you ever tried to find shoes in the sale that are a size eight? The ones that are left are usually ugly, loafer-type shoes or huge wedges that I wouldn't be seen dead in. Screw you, size fives.

Heels are hell

Then there's the heel issue. I can't walk in heels. Hell, I can't even stand in them. Recently someone advised me not to go to a black tie event unless I was going to wear heels (I ignored them, and it was fine, apart from then having to wear flat shoes that cut my feet) which, had they been right, would have really made me angry - talk about discrimination! Of course, men also like women in heels, and therefore I feel less attractive than my stiletto-loving friends. How is it fair that pain-inducing accessories should make me feel like less of a woman? It isn't, is it?

Stilettos aren't everything

None of the above would really be a problem if only there was enough choice out there, but as every dreaded shoe shopping trip has taught me, it's near impossible to find feminine, non-bulky flat boots. In the summer it's fine - open toe gladiators and sandals are lifesavers, but for the rest of the year, and for clubbing (no idiot wears open toe shoes clubbing) I have to look like the odd one out. Is it so much to ask that the people who design these beautiful looking high heels spare a few hours to design a boot that's light and girly,  pretty and elegant, without a high heel? And don't even get me started on shoe boots...

So that's why I hate shoes. In fact, their only redeeming feature is that they cover my other hate: feet. More on that later...

P.S. Sorry Charley :)