I've never been very good at (or very fond of) change, which makes fresh starts rather tricky. If it ain't broke don't fix it, that's what I think - but do not say out loud, because everyone hates a person with a motto. Problem is, I have been a bit broke, in many ways, for some time so I do need a bit of fixing and as it's a new year, now seems as good a time as any.
Weirdly, I am actually beginning to crave change. This is new. Perhaps it's because I just turned 25 (a whole quarter of a century, do you know how WISE that must make me?), but I feel like I have very itchy feet and want to keep moving, keep doing, planning, working towards something so that this year is better than the last. But, what?
Resolution #1: Get me healthy
Health is the first priority. Last year was probably my least healthy, with panic attacks, skin problems and goodness knows what else making me feel even worse than I already did (from yet another dodgy year in 2009 - they're common). My doctor is finally listening to me, so fingers crossed I get some answers there, and now that the heartbreak diet has worn off (I think it wore off some time ago, it's just that I hadn't noticed) I need to get myself back into shape and practice what I preach in the fitness department. I might even take up running, despite absolutely hating running. That's how much I want to feel good again...
Resolution #2: Get me outta here (for a bit)
All I daydream about, when I daydream, is travelling. I am desperate to travel. I haven't been to that many places, but have thankfully loved everywhere that I have visited (Barcelona, Paris, Dominican Republic, Ibiza, Majorca, Croatia, Stockholm, Venice, Verona, Florence) and so badly want to discover more favourites. My main problem with this is that I wait for others to plan trips, or feel I can't go somewhere unless I am going with somebody. It's high time I realised it's never going to happen unless I do it myself so this year, it's time to plan - even if it's a weekend stay in another European city, since I am still penniless.
Resolution #3: Get me writing again, properly
The first resolution I actually thought of (but health is always more important) was this: I want to write something I am proud of. Whether it's a blog post, a freelance piece, a short story, the start of the novel I have bouncing around in my thoughts - I need to write more, enjoy it more, and write something where I re-read it and think, Yes. This is why I did it. Recently I've had that horrid self-doubt phase that we creative types have to go through every so often and convinced myself that I had made a huge mistake in working so hard to get here because actually, everyone else is better and I shouldn't even bother as my words are useless and empty. Hopefully, that was just a low moment; and even if it turns out I did do the wrong thing, at least I enjoy writing and have a passion for it. Even if I am the only one reading, that will do for me.
Resolution #4: Get me a life
When talking to a guy in a bar the other night, he asked me what my hidden talents were and what I liked to do in my spare time. I could think of nothing other than writing. Admittedly I had had a few too many glasses of wine and am absolutely useless on the spot (if someone asks me my name out of the blue I hesitate, why is that?), but it saddened me that I don't have any other real talents or hobbies. I am passionate about film, but what does that really mean? What I'd love to say is that I learn Spanish, play the piano and am almost at Grade 8 and I am a pretty good photographer. So, I'd better get started...
Resolution #5: Get me happy
I have an awful habit of comparing myself to others who are clearly in a completely different stage of life to me, but who have what I would like. Whether it's the perfect boyfriend and a baby on the way, a ring on their finger, a novel on the shelves of WHSmiths, a fantastic career where they can pick and choose their work, anything - I envy it, and I compare it to my little life and wonder where it all went wrong. OK so I have turned 25 which is getting to the stage where I should have something to shout about but I need to remember to look at what I do have, not what I don't have. Easier said than done, eh?
Feel free to yell encouragement at me from the sidelines. I could actually do with a cheerleading squad - perhaps Glee could get involved?
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*Grabs pom poms* Go Judy!
Regarding resolution #3, you are definitely a writer. And a marvellous one at that.
Regarding resolution #4, have you thought about writing a list of 60 things you want to do this year? There's a theory that after work, commitments, family etc, you should have time to try 60 new things every year. Even if it's something basic, like go to a certain city to take photos or try and bake a soufflé!
Hope 2011 is full of welcome changes for you.
Aww thank you Em :)
60 sounds like a lot but if I start small that could work. Could be another blog post coming along...
Great blog Judy :) I feel the same way about most of those points - particularly the life one, I'm a boring fart. In fact, if I really was a fart I'd be one of those disappointing silent ones.
I'm also constantly comparing myself to others (even you lady, editor extraordinaire!), which I think can sometimes be really encouraging but most of the time a big pain in the arse, especially when there are others in your life comparing you too. What I take from that though is, ok - great they've managed to get an awesome job or have a book out, but they had to start somewhere as well. And 25 is still young, even though you insist it isn't ;)
I have to say - I envy your talent for the industry, the knowledge you have is way beyond what I ever imagine I could fit in my tiny brain! So there's no doubt there that you're a born writer and will go really far.
2011 is going to be a good year for changes and getting what you want from life, just be positive and remember there are people around you to fall back on if you ever do feel a bit bleurgh.
ps. You could ask Begona about the Spanish, she used to teach it I think. And Simon can get you some learning discs, Rosetta Stone and the like :)
For #3 - I would buy your book, but only when it came out on paperback.
I've had learning Spanish and going running on my list for about 5 years now. Some day... in the mean time, it's good to see you lived up to your responsibility and included a link to the site :-P
Hey Judy, I really like reading your life posts... I feel like you summarise most mid-20's girls' hopes, dreams and angst perfectly. Ahh, the good old quarterlife crisis... it can be a tough time.
I hope 2011 is the year you get to do all the things you want to do. I agree you've got to plan things yourself rather than wait around for your friends.
Yes, stop comparing yourself to other people.. you've got an interesting job in a great company. And your writing talent and ambition are enough that you don't need to plug lots of less meaningful hobbies into your life. There are loads of people who would love to swap lives with you!
Not that you shouldn't try out some of those potential hobbies! Just don't feel guilty that you haven't fitted them into your life yet. Go with learning a language before the others, then you can use it as an excuse to go on holidays all the time. I recommend using the Michel Thomas Foundation audio course to get the basics, and then booking yourself on one of those residential language courses in a Spanish-speaking country. They're not too expensive if you look around, and they're so much fun.. and you get to meet people from all around the world, all there just to learn Spanish. (I did this, but with French).
Thanks not-so-Anonymous :)
And thank you Helen! That is true, any hobbies I have I want to be ones that I really enjoy doing, not just for the sake of it. Spanish is definitely top of that list so thank you for the tips - will make it far easier to start if I have some recommendations!