Frogs and flaws

Posted by Judy Johnson On Sunday, 23 June 2013 18:29
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We single folk know that to find Mr Perfect we have to meet a few Mr Imperfects along the way (note to couples - it would be nice if you realised this too and stopped giving us a hard time for not finding him yet). But the problem with this, as I have recently discovered, is an issue of self esteem. 

First, you have to feel good enough about yourself to put yourself out there and date in the first place - amazingly, I got to this point again recently and managed to throw myself into dateland yet again. So far, so good. 

But then come the frogs. They're not necessarily bad - hell, you might even like them - but when they don't like you back, or they're not right, there comes a dent in your self esteem that just keeps getting bigger. Every man's failure to text back, every date that ends just a little too soon, every man that doesn't even attempt to flirt with you, hacks away at your already wavering sense of self worth and attractiveness until at some point it's almost non existent. 

After every date that hasn't gone quite as expected, I've been left wondering why… which I know is the most dangerous question in singledom, but it's inevitable. Why wasn't he interested? Why can't I just meet someone I click with? Why was he in such a hurry to leave? Why is this so hard? And then come the answers; the little things you don't like about yourself, that you always hope others won't notice, the things that niggle at you because all your friends seem flawless while you're walking around as one giant flaw. WOE IS ME. 

Obviously, eventually you realise you shouldn't give a crap because they're all Mr Wrong, but still, the damage is done and those dents are there. I've found myself comparing everything I hate about me to everything I love about my friends (and maybe Beyonce, who would totally be my BFF if only she knew I existed) and it's not a good feeling. 

There are only so many rejections a girl can take before it's time to hang up the dating shoes and go frogless for a while - something I'm currently trying. And given that my favourite dating site, Guardian Soulmates, has just inexplicably (literally - no email to notify users) changed its rules so that now to view photos and messages you have to pay up, it couldn't be a better time to give up and get back to enjoying life as a single girl. 

Yes, I'm sad at the constant wedding invitations that make me feel that much more alone; yes, I miss the fun of flirting - but dating? Dating is overrated. Dating involves far too many nerves, far too many hours wasted getting to know someone who doesn't want to know you, and far too many pitying messages from friends who are quick to ask how it went. For now, I'm just me. And while that might not be enough for the men I keep meeting and failing to impress, it's enough for me. 
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