How not to get a date online...

Posted by Judy Johnson On Sunday, 31 March 2013 02:09
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Should online dating really be such hard work? I'm starting to think the novelty has worn off... 

Image from Match.com


Ah, online dating. I'm still giving it a go, only these days with even less enthusiasm than before. Partly, it's a matter of timing; I quite like my life as it is as I'm happy with work, still working on making home better and love to spend all my free time with either friends or family. Men don't really stand a chance, even if they wanted to. But, in the interests of an interesting life and not winding up a spinster (apparently, that's bad), I'm still logging on every so often to see if Mr Right has shown up on my little world web of dating. 

Well, it seems he hasn't. Not only am I recognising too many Mr Wrongs in the searches (been on there so long it's getting a bit stale) but I've joined another site - this time a free one, God help me - and instead of being wooed and flirted with by endlessly charming blokes, I feel like I'm being told off every time I click. Seriously, at the moment I'd rather go to the dentist right now than go online and find out what I'm being yelled at for this time...

No sooner had I finished setting up my profile on a free (but not POF, give me some credit) site than I had a message from a guy telling me off for pointing out I wanted a tall man. You have to say why potential daters should message you, so I decided, seeing as I'd been unlucky in love-with-my-type so far, to be honest about what I'm after but attempt to do so with a little wit. Perhaps I failed. All I wrote was that if you're 'tall, witty and beard-less (no offence, bearded ones) then get in touch' etc etc. But angry gentleman said that I should apologise for causing offence to short men, since it's something they can't change, unlike a beard which they can; apparently, requesting a tall man is much like saying I'll only date someone white. 

A tall issue 

WELL. While I'd hate to offend anyone who is short, surely it's all relative. Most girls consider 5'10  a tall man - but the problem is, that's MY height. So I need a really, really tall man in order to feel even slightly comfortable. And perhaps it's unfair of me to rule out dating someone shorter than me, but why waste time lying? And how many men out there look at a profile of a girl over 5'9" and actually get in touch if they're not pushing 6 foot? As a girl it sucks to feel like a big fat giant, and that's what you feel like whenever you're with someone who is a lot smaller than you. It's not feminine, it knocks confidence and I don't think I know one woman who would be happy seeing a man who is shorter than her. The only difference is, all those mates are quite short themselves so it's not a problem, whereas I'm probably ruling out about 80% of guys. Thanks, Mother Nature.

To beard or not to beard 

What's more, my point about beards was not to be nasty, but an attempt to convey my type. Hairy bearded men, who tend, I find, to be of the skinny-jeans-wearing variety more often than not - yes I'm generalising - are not my type. That's not to say they're not wonderful, or attractive, or whatever - they're just not for me. And isn't that kind of what online dating is about? How, when there are thousands of people online searching for the One, are we meant to whittle it down to said One if we can't even state what we're looking for?

Anyway. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was wrong, I didn't mean to cause offence and that stating a preference for height is not the same as race, because that would make me a racist moron. He soon shut up. 

Nowhere to hide

Next, I get a few men who are all watching my activity like a hawk. Been online but not replied to their message yet? In pops another one questioning what's taking so long. Looked at their profile but not rated them back yet? In comes a sarcastic message telling you yes it was them who emailed you and are you going to bother getting back to them now? 

I might be slow at getting back to guys online, and yes I am doing it half-heartedly at the moment which is totally my fault. But chasing me with snide comments and expecting an instant response is not really the way to pique my interest. 

It all feels like a hassle, and one I could do without - this should be fun, exciting, a bit scary but ultimately nothing to get too serious about else what's the point? I'm starting to dread the emails and given that I've not spotted anyone I actually want to email back, I might just ditch the whole thing...
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