Image from Match.com

Ah, online dating. I'm still giving it a go, only these days with even less enthusiasm than before. Partly, it's a matter of timing; I quite like my life as it is as I'm happy with work, still working on making home better and love to spend all my free time with either friends or family. Men don't really stand a chance, even if they wanted to. But, in the interests of an interesting life and not winding up a spinster (apparently, that's bad), I'm still logging on every so often to see if Mr Right has shown up on my little world web of dating. 

Well, it seems he hasn't. Not only am I recognising too many Mr Wrongs in the searches (been on there so long it's getting a bit stale) but I've joined another site - this time a free one, God help me - and instead of being wooed and flirted with by endlessly charming blokes, I feel like I'm being told off every time I click. Seriously, at the moment I'd rather go to the dentist right now than go online and find out what I'm being yelled at for this time...

No sooner had I finished setting up my profile on a free (but not POF, give me some credit) site than I had a message from a guy telling me off for pointing out I wanted a tall man. You have to say why potential daters should message you, so I decided, seeing as I'd been unlucky in love-with-my-type so far, to be honest about what I'm after but attempt to do so with a little wit. Perhaps I failed. All I wrote was that if you're 'tall, witty and beard-less (no offence, bearded ones) then get in touch' etc etc. But angry gentleman said that I should apologise for causing offence to short men, since it's something they can't change, unlike a beard which they can; apparently, requesting a tall man is much like saying I'll only date someone white. 

A tall issue 

WELL. While I'd hate to offend anyone who is short, surely it's all relative. Most girls consider 5'10  a tall man - but the problem is, that's MY height. So I need a really, really tall man in order to feel even slightly comfortable. And perhaps it's unfair of me to rule out dating someone shorter than me, but why waste time lying? And how many men out there look at a profile of a girl over 5'9" and actually get in touch if they're not pushing 6 foot? As a girl it sucks to feel like a big fat giant, and that's what you feel like whenever you're with someone who is a lot smaller than you. It's not feminine, it knocks confidence and I don't think I know one woman who would be happy seeing a man who is shorter than her. The only difference is, all those mates are quite short themselves so it's not a problem, whereas I'm probably ruling out about 80% of guys. Thanks, Mother Nature.

To beard or not to beard 

What's more, my point about beards was not to be nasty, but an attempt to convey my type. Hairy bearded men, who tend, I find, to be of the skinny-jeans-wearing variety more often than not - yes I'm generalising - are not my type. That's not to say they're not wonderful, or attractive, or whatever - they're just not for me. And isn't that kind of what online dating is about? How, when there are thousands of people online searching for the One, are we meant to whittle it down to said One if we can't even state what we're looking for?

Anyway. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was wrong, I didn't mean to cause offence and that stating a preference for height is not the same as race, because that would make me a racist moron. He soon shut up. 

Nowhere to hide

Next, I get a few men who are all watching my activity like a hawk. Been online but not replied to their message yet? In pops another one questioning what's taking so long. Looked at their profile but not rated them back yet? In comes a sarcastic message telling you yes it was them who emailed you and are you going to bother getting back to them now? 

I might be slow at getting back to guys online, and yes I am doing it half-heartedly at the moment which is totally my fault. But chasing me with snide comments and expecting an instant response is not really the way to pique my interest. 

It all feels like a hassle, and one I could do without - this should be fun, exciting, a bit scary but ultimately nothing to get too serious about else what's the point? I'm starting to dread the emails and given that I've not spotted anyone I actually want to email back, I might just ditch the whole thing...

Yes, I'm giving it a second chance. Last time I went online I basically hid from anyone who said hello and deemed them all to be nutters, quickly closing my profile as soon as someone asked me out. Let's just say I wasn't ready. 

This time, I'm actually starting to enjoy it, and might even have a date lined up - no promises - but the best bit so far has been the funny stuff. I'm not going to be too mean about profiles (I'm sure mine's terrible), but I have learned a thing or two from the few odd messages and people I have come across, so I thought they were worth sharing. I'm helpful like that...

1. Lots of men either a) don't know how old they are b) could really do with some hair dye and Botox or c) lie about their age. There is no way a 30 year old can look that old, surely?

2. There is such a thing as a bat charity. Who knew? There might even be more than one. All I know is that a man works there. He looks scary and messages girls who aren't interested (me). We shall call him Batman. Not so much a Black Knight in shining armour as a daylight-dodging creep.

3. There are a lot of single men out there who think that being active and going skiing once a year makes them adventurous and cultured. They even try to make their usernames sound adventurous, like ActiveJoe or MountainBoy.

4. The same men think that sitting down is bad and boring, even if it involves watching a good film or reading. If they're not sliding around on snow, or skateboarding, or running a marathon, they're not even living. Us indoor types should be ashamed. 

5. Some men can't read, and so even if you specifically say that height is important, they will still email you despite being five inches shorter than you.

6. Men often have one message that they copy and paste to different girls (yes, this actually happened - Facebook reveals all). It is generally a bit of a creepy one.

7. Men, for their profile picture, either put one of a) looking to the left/upwards in a thoughtful, super cool manner b) pulling a goofy face that is in no way flattering or c) one that could easily be a passport photo (and we all know those never look good). They then add gallery pictures which look like a completely different person, usually in a group of friends or with a pretty girl who you instantly think is their (hopefully ex) girlfriend. Cynic, me?

8. Men only want to meet confident, pretty, outgoing, super positive glass-half-full girls. Therefore they will probably wind up disappointed, because this is the real world and you can't smile 24/7, it gives you jaw-ache. 

9. It is a bloody small world. No matter how wide, or how narrow, you cast your little net, there is a very good chance someone from your hometown will message you, or you'll browse and discover someone you know from Twitter. Hopefully by accident though, otherwise that's just creepy (and a total waste of money). 

10. Online dating is just like offline dating. There's game playing, a sudden lack of interest for no apparent reason when you're mid-conversation and you'll always get chatted up by the odd weirdo. 

Still, I'm really quite enjoying it.

Men, are women just as bad when it comes to dating profiles? Anyone had any odd messages lately?  Tell me I'm not alone...