They have rather cleverly got it down to the best of a bad bunch now that Katie and Wagner have left (though Aiden or Paije should be in here instead of Mary, tsk), and now that it's crunch time all the excuses are coming out. The mentor wasn't there, a bandmate was missing, someone has had the flu, etc etc. It's a little sad that we still need sympathy votes this far down the line, no? The judges are now also being more catty (except Louis, who lives in a dreamworld where everything is pink and shiny and perfect), and accusing each other of 'tactical' voting. I think they'll find this is called an OPINION.

Before we start, I had a little trouble working out the theme. After checking the website, I found it was 'Clubland Classics and Get Me to the Final' songs. I have no words. 

It started so well. Well, ish. Singing Show Me Love, I actually thought Rebecca sounded good on this and could do well in this genre - the only problem being she still changes the notes of songs as and when she pleases. I liked the staging of it but she still didn't move - the most exciting part was when she put her hand on her hip at the end. Groundbreaking stuff. 

Then it went wrong again. When they said it was going to be a big song, I thought I Will Always Love You? Hope not. Titanic? Hope not even more. Instead, she decided to ruin Amazing Grace. The only amazing thing about this performance was the level of annoyance that her singing of the wrong notes brought out in me. I have heard this song done so well by so many people, and love it. Thankfully this won't be my lasting memory of the song as it sounded nothing like it. Also, bringing out the choir? How very Joe McElderry. 

Yes, no, yes, no... I just cannot decide whether to like or loathe this girl. I am sure her eyebrows have been drawn differently this week, which was quite distracting - but she did look a little more natural and down to earth too, so I am fairly sure they are all reading my blog over there and taking note. Yes. Anyhoo, she started off with Nothin' On You - not sure that this is a club classic, but it did suit her and show her voice off pretty well. I'm not buying her 'the arrogant thing is part of my act' though.

Singing Love the Way You Lie to get through to the final, she may have a chance as it wasn't terrible. However, she really needs to learn how to transition between rapping and singing - it is so abrupt it emphasises that the song is meant for a duet. More importantly though - she backtalked to Dannii. This, my dear little teenager, is so not cool.

I think it's safe to say Mary is out this week. She is way out of her depth being in the semi final, bless her, and the disco theme is bad news because it has given her even more excuse to be a shouty pub singer. They are also still failing to style her hair in any way that is flattering to her face. She starts with Never Can Say Goodbye, which is basically a cruise-ship shout-athon that hurts my ears. Then Louis started talking about flu for no apparent reason and he and Simon started bickering. Honestly, it's like they want to give us a headache. 

Mary bounces back for song two with The Way We Were. Ok, 'bounce' is not the word. This would have anybody sobbing, partly because it sounds a bit dodgy on some notes and also because it's not nice to see Mary cry. She's a nice old lady. Still, they could do without constantly pointing out that she's a checkout girl, and also listening to what she said about the tears before wading in with their 'stop being sad and start being grateful and happy' speak. One week it's all 'you put the emotion into it and it was amazing', next it's 'dry your eyes mate'. 

They've done a little hand-made card for Simon and his manflu. Seriously. Do we need reminding that they are twelve? It's like being back in the days of Live and Kicking where they had the photo gallery of stuff babies had drawn. The tweenies are back in my bad books this week because they sang Rhianna's new song, Only Girl in the World and sang it with no oomph whatsoever. Cheryl was right for once when she said it didn't work - it was soooo karaoke, they'd be better off going down to Lucky Voice and singing it there.(I love Lucky Voice by the way - this is not an insult). 

Secondly, they couldn't sound more pissed off that Zayn hasn't been there this week. Have a little heart guys. It's all hunky dory again when it's time to sing though - Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. I could have cried. I love this song. They didn't do it too badly, but it was a total cheesefest, complete with painful key change, and didn't do the song justice as it made it sound all flat and boybandy. I think they should just go through the S Club back catologue and re-do those - then no one would mind too much and we could all bop along. 

Yes, I saved the best 'til last - even with a sore throat/tonsilitis/manflu Matt outsings his fellow contestants. He does look terrible though. He started off with You've Got the Love. I'm not sure anyone understood why there was a need for a guitar in this, but no one cares because we're all just glad he made it onto the stage without his mum popping on to wipe his nose. The vocal would have been better without the sickness but still, he nailed it, and should do this kind of track when he has his own album. Oh, and be quiet Simon, no one cares if you had a cold - you're a judge not a singer.

For his second song Matt did She's Always a Woman - it felt a little old fashioned (dammit, I agree with Simon) but he does suit these ballads and, though the staircase was unnecessary, the performance was faultless. Now go home Matt and have a Lemsip - we've got a final to prepare for.

Final? I don't even know how many go through but I think One Direction, Matt and Rebecca have the final three in the bag. I wonder if Rebecca will move her feet if she wins?

It's a little late this week because I was busy getting out of the house. Unheard of, I know. I then tried to explain to my non-X Factor-watching friend that the show is actually good and does produce good singers. Problem is, I played some of the videos to her and found my argument weakening as I was making excuses for all of their fairly average voices! The truth is, the standard for me has dropped considerably this year; even my favourites (Matt and Aiden, poor guy) aren't actually as amazing as I thought they were - it's just all relative in that they are better than the likes of Wagner who share their stage. 

This thought is a bit depressing and probably ruins it for everyone but hey ho, we get what we're given and this week the amateurs battle it out with some Beatles songs. Which sounds about as fun as listening to Westlife's one hundredth cover album...

Let's start with a little fact about me: I like a man in a vest. The Bruce Willis, Matt Damon, action man style vest that says 'I have good arms, I'm tough, and could save the world with my little finger'. They make me swoon a bit. OK, a lot. Now here's another fact. Matt should never wear a vest, ever. He is not a vest man. This was a bad, bad, baaaaad decision that should render the decision-maker unemployed. He looked terrible. He also came out and growled 'Come Together' like a drunken chav (the 'chav' part is likely down to the vest). I did wonder if he might be taking the mick because he saw that lovely Aiden was booted out, so he's thought 'sod it' I'll do something ridiculous to prove this show is rubbish (I am still clinging onto this theory with hope). This week also failed horribly because sexy little wiggler Olly Murs from X Factor past sang this song with so much sexual energy he probably impregnated half of England. I hate myself for saying it but Matt, you've lost me. Try and get me back next week and wear the goddamn hat. 

Rebecca fans, avert your eyes. This girl has a lovely voice but my god it needs work. She really needs to get herself to a vocal coach and learn a trick or two, because though the raw quality of it is sweet and treacle-like to listen to, the wobbles are too much and I still don't think that changing notes of Yesterday altogether makes for 'your stamp' on a song. (Judge notes - Dannii is spot on this week, if we can forget - please let's forget - the Matt performance we just witnessed). Rebecca is also wearing some sort of jumpsuit that I do not like and is drippy as ever. NEXT!

This week the toddlers are standing on a block to make them look taller. Singing All You Need is Love is a bit weird for these boys because whereas Simon commended Rebecca for believing in the words she sings, these little ones probably don't know what love is and are therefore jumping around on their little building blocks and singing it with as much conviction as fish would. Loving Dannii's comments this week - losing Aiden has woken her up a little. Still, One Direction are probably going to do well because boybands are very 'in' this season, and they can hold a tune as much as any of the others. Westlife, watch your backs...

Cher is singing Imagine, badly. I've realised that the reason she sounds a bit odd is because she doesn't open her mouth properly when she sings so it comes out very strained while looking like her jaw is stuck. Possibly the most dull performance ever, as I was watching the whole thing wondering if she might topple off the stairs to liven it up a bit. That song is so beautiful, it deserves a Leona-esque voice to do it justice (or, of course, they could just leave it well alone). Dannii liked it. She's off my Christmas card list. Also, why was Cher dressed as a doll? Her weakest week yet by far.

There are no words to describe how gutted I was when for some insane reason, the public had saved Katie and not Aiden last week. Un-be-lievable. Literally, I do not believe that to be true. But anyway, the girl is still in, sadly, and singing Help. Funnily enough, Miss Weasel, dying your hair does not make you unrecognisable and therefore I still dislike you, very much. Katie is another one who does actually have a nice tone to her voice but it's not enough - some notes are off, some are just too wobbly, and her try-hard attitude is just so wearing. Plus, we get it already - stop singing songs that are about helping you and saving you - there's nothing less attractive than desperation. 

Watching Wagner makes me miss Fame Academy, which despite its name had real songwriters and real singers hoping to do what they love and taking it seriously. What is hilarious though is when we watch him having conversations with Louis, who he clearly cannot understand and doesn't have the time of day for since the bumbling Irish idiot still can't pronounce his act's name. Wagner sings a medley, again - can you imagine his album? It's going to be HOURS long because every song will be a mental medley. I hope he does a Mr Blobby number combined with Everybody Wants to be a Cat, finished with I Will Always Love You. He's the king of bad medleys, he'll wing it. Also, hated Cheryl's little rant - that was completely unnecessary, and if we're not to believe the press in regards to her little witches Cher and Katie then why believe the press about Wagner? I don't know what the truth behind it is, but Simon and Cheryl have clearly decided it's his time to go (probably rightly so) but are going about it very cattily. Someone needs to get them de-clawed.

Favourite to go out this week based on that thing called the Internet, dear Paije probably felt defeated already - but his was my best performance tonight. Let it Be was a great song choice for the lovely Paije, and I think he may just be my favourite (out of him, Matt, and Aiden... no one else matters) simply because his vocals are strong, smooth and consistent, and there have been no vest incidents (though he does wear some questionable jackets). Do I sound like Simon? Anyway. I feel his square Gerald-from-Hey-Arnold-hair is unnecessary but apart from that, he should have been an outright choice to go through to the shows and not a wildcard - remember Nicolo? No. Paije, you are a legend. I would buy your album. 

Last week it worked because Mary has a heart, according to Simon. I'm more distracted by her lungs to be honest because Tesco Mary is a shouter. This is my only problem with her - she has a strong (loud) voice and could be good but for some of the lyrics she just speaks them, particularly at the end of a line. Still, it was better than the past couple of weeks and it can't be easy working with Louis, who has also picked up the shouting vibe. Perhaps they are both going deaf in their old age? Mary will be safe for a while because all the mums are voting... I have resigned myself to that. Sigh.

Bottom two - it should have been Wagner and either Cher or even (I'm so, so, sorry husband) Matt this week. Of course, I am writing this a little late so we know Paije got the boot - which we knew would happen given that he was up against Cher. I feel that choosing to sing Stay again was very lazy on Cher's part - perhaps she hadn't even bothered to rehearse a sing-off song as she's convinced she's too cool. Paije's performance was pretty shakey but you can't blame him for that, and I was sad that Louis didn't keep him given that he forced the others to see him again at auditions. I look forward to his album, a few years down the line...

Sex and the City is brilliant, but I think they got the title all wrong (though I suppose theirs is more catchy). I've always been lucky to have some great friends around me. But moving to London for uni was tough to start with, as while a lot of my friends went to the same unis together, I was off on my own to a grotty area of south London that looked like the set of Crimewatch.

Five years on and obviously, I made a bunch of bloody brilliant friends at uni and am keeping them for life (shhh, don't tell them). And I also kept hold of another brilliant bunch from home, because they weren't getting rid of me that easily. But during that five years, I finished uni, was thrown back into singledom and everything changed.

When you're in a relationship you become so reliant on that one person or at least the knowledge that they are there if you need them, that you can lose sight of your friends and the fact that they are very much there too (apart from when he does something wrong and you go running straight to your mates for a moan).

So when suddenly you become single, it takes a while to train yourself into realising that though he's not there anymore, there are people you can reach out to. I couldn't have got through my break up without my best friends who were always at the end of the phone, in the next room or reading essay-long Facebook messages about how much it hurt. This is no easy job if you're the listener, especially if you have a few friends who have got the blues at the same time - not to mention your own problems - but the age old saying that men will come and go while friends are for life (or something like that!) is definitely true. It just takes time to get used to texting your best mate first when you feel sad, or when you have news - instead of calling the guy who's been on speed dial for four years.

Non-singles find it harder to understand, and I say this based on being one, once upon a time. I know so many people now (myself included) who find 'coupley' couples REALLY annoying... and yes, those people are all single. As soon as you're with someone, you tend to forget what it was like to be single, the feeling you'd get when someone told you something about your ex that you didn't want to hear, and what it was like to feel the odd one out because everyone else is loved up. Instead, you flaunt your new-found romance, casually mention something about your mate's ex without thinking, and smooch in public while your mates sit there feeling uncomfortable/jealous/lonely. 

My friends and I had this chat after a few bottles of wine and decided that for those of us who are single, we were all we had - none of us felt able to chat to our families about how lonely we sometimes felt, and with no boy to give us a hug we now need each other more than ever. So, to those of you who are living in singlesville - make your friends your priority. There's a reason Carrie had her best friends around her at all times.  And those of you in relationships - don't forget what it was like to be alone. Your one single friend might be in a room with a whole bunch of you, but they could be feeling completely isolated at the same time. Now, even if I do grow up to be a spinster with cats, at least I'll know I have friends who will listen, don't have four legs and can use a phone...

Last week the judges failed us yet again and kept Katie Weasel in, sending home poor little Treyc who has no identity (which apparently isn't as good as being known because you're hated). This week, it's time for them to offend Elton John a little more by making him the theme - oh Simon, you really shouldn't have. No, really. I wasn't looking forward to this week (not the biggest Elton fan) and can't see how they're going to make this work. The judges' new buzz word is 'thread' too, which is still annoying. Here goes...

They're all excited about Harry Potter and Paije was an extra in one of the films. I wouldn't know because I can't stand HP and haven't seen a single one, sorry Paije. You were probably the best thing in it. After last week's very good upbeat number, they've kept with it and given him Crocodile Rock to sing.  The judges hated it. I didn't really enjoy it either - he was singing about some girl called Susie and it all felt a little children's entertainment to me, but it's Paije and I like him. Plus, the 'you focus on your other acts' comment from the judges is getting boring... new criticism please?

I can't help it, I love Aiden. He does a little nose-wrinkle thing which is unbelievably cute. Sorry, anyway... our little intense performer was on top of two pianos (tick) singing Rocket Man (er... tick??). I don't know the song too well but he seemed to nail it, and Simon was right about him having 'presence' (though he should NEVER say 'swagger' again) - he completely commands the stage and draws you in. Tick. Hopefully enough to keep him in - I do worry that other Cheryl-type muppets won't get him.

Tesco Mary was terrible last week. In my opinion she's not been that great since forever but people still seem to love her - it's SuBo all over again. Singing Can You Feel the Love Tonight was a mistake because it was a total snoozefest. I'm surprised the overly noisy audience didn't deafen us with a collective snore. Then again, it's hard to sleep when that racket is going on. Mary is one of those singers who is a bit too shouty and a bit too plain. Also, Dannii may not be the best singer in the world but she knows when something is in tune, so pipe down Louis. Meanwhile Simon said it worked because she has a heart, which to me is like saying you fancy someone because they are breathing, no?

It wasn't a bad dream, she really is still here. And she sang Saturday Night, which I'm sure thrilled Treyc wherever she is. I'll give her one thing - she looked better tonight, as she looked more like the (annoying) girl we met in the first audition, at which point I thought she was going to do a Madonna tribute act but at least she had a 'look'. Though I think they are probably just trying to get us to like her by making her seem down to earth. It's not going to work thanks to the media attention and the fact she can't sing though, so she may as well be voted off now.  Please?

Sigh. He forgot to put the hat on again. My patience is running out a little on that one. He better wear it when he wins in the final or else there'll be trouble. Matt sang a lovely song that I haven't heard of (told you I'm not a fan) and, assuming that's the tune, he did a pretty damn amazing job. After last week he could sing Postman Pat and I'd still love him but he really does perform like someone who has been in the industry for a while. I would quite like him to do a song with less long, drawn out notes though - what with that and the barmy audience it can be a bit much sometimes.

Obviously Cher is special and couldn't possibly just sing one Elton John song, so they mixed it up in what is to be known the series of mash-up mania. The singing bit wasn't bad - apart from the close-up that reveals just how much makeup is plastered on her face. Seriously, this girl does not look 17 and will probably be on Botox by next year. I also dislike the facial expressions (all two of them) that she insists on doing as she sings - either she is scowling or she's trying to look sincere, but actually looks like she's spotted an audience member she wants to beat up. Simon reckons she isn't cocky so obviously wasn't paying attention to the VT where she yet again talked about winning the show. Humble as a mouse, this one. 

He's still trying and Louis still can't pronounce his name. The irony wasn't lost on us that he sang I'm Still Standing, and then of course he had to make it a medley (he is Louis' act after all) with Circle of Life. Yes, I know that one, it's Disney. I'm not sure what was supposed to be happening behind him at this point because when I wasn't distracted by the awful singing, I was distracted by the terrible dancers that were grinding around him, but I think some woman was being lifted up in a hammock. I feel very sorry for Wagner these days and love that he grins through all the bad comments as if he's happier than ever. Maybe he is?

If you don't already, you have GOT to be on Twitter when One Direction sing, if for no one else. Wand Erection as they are known by tweeps were busy drooling over Emma Watson this week and then chose a ballad complete with microphone stands to 'prove they can sing'. I have issues with these boys. Firstly, they are actual boys. None of them look a day over 12, and who wants to see 12 year olds sing? Not me. Curly is cocky but does have a lovely voice, Lee Ryan 2 looks like he's going to cry when it's not his turn to sing, and the one with what could be a growing-out bowl cut has the most annoying face that I can't get over it. No Simon, I don't think they will win... 

Rebecca is pretending she's concerned she might mess it up in the VT, which we all know is rubbish because no one has disliked her yet. Candle in the Wind is a very touching song so I guess they had to give it to someone who wouldn't ruin it. So why not give it to Matt? Sorry Rebecca but I don't think changing the tune is the same as making it your own. I do however like that she looks so classy, and then speaks and completely isn't. I know everyone loves her but she still has no oomph. Someone give her a red bull or something. 

Bottom two suggestions? I'd like to point out I was right last week, ahem, clap clap. I think time may be up for Wagner and Katie but that would be in a world where stuff makes sense - not X Factor. We shall see...