But here's the thing - this isn't about my plan to change, oh no. This is about the fact that somewhere between 2012 ending and 2013 beginning, I have become an actual new person. Look! *twirls*
Ah right, I should probably talk you through it. Here's why I feel
like I might have been replaced in my sleep by a better version of me...
Weird food
I am eating actual real food that my mum has deemed 'posh'. Salmon
bagels in the morning. Bloody homemade cucumber sandwiches for lunch.
I'm planning on making an actual fish pie instead of buying one in a
ready meal pack that takes two minutes to heat. I eat olives now, for Christ's sake. Who the hell do I think I am?
I am a
girl who is afraid of tupperware (it's OK, I'm sticking to foil), who hasn't made my
own lunch since I was 7 (though back then my mum made it, but you know what I mean)
and who thinks a perfect breakfast is a bowl of Coco Pops. I don't even
know what triggered this madness but it's happening and I can't seem to
stop (though I am still eating Mini Eggs like there's no tomorrow, or
Easter, ever).
Crazy hair
I have worn my hair down twice in one week. Yes, OMG. I wore it down once
last year, I think; it was for a first date and I was feeling brave. I
regretted it all day because when you wear your hair down, you have to
flick it out of the way EVERY SINGLE MINUTE or else your neck overheats, or
your hair goes flat and suddenly you're not a real woman anymore, you're just a poor excuse of one who should have brought a hairband just in case.
Anyway, this is big news for anyone who knows me (especially to those who
follow my old, now anon, blog) and what's weird is, I feel OK about
it. It felt nice. I felt like a girl. I don't do it in the daytime, mind;
can't be arsed with that nonsense in the morning. Flicky hair works much better with wine.
New feet
I have bought and worn actual shoes. I hate shoes. I only wear open-toed sandals of the very strappy and supportive variety (supportive
without being from Clarks, though) or boots. There is no in between.
Except for slippers, but as yet they haven't hit the fashion shows so I
can't wear them outside.
The shoes did hurt my feet, I admit. I wore them out to
the most dancey place in London I know, and now my big toes feel like they
have been stamped on repeatedly by concrete, but it's OK. Because this
makes me a normal girl (even if they were flats. Heels ain't gonna
happen.) and this is what we do.
Happy thoughts
I'm not angry every day. Last year, and maybe the year before that, and
definitely the year before that, I felt angry a lot. I was stressed a
lot, I was seeing red every which way and generally felt pissed off with
the world. I still think the world could do with a few improvements (where are the world's New Year's resolutions, eh?) but all in all things are better. I feel almost serene, when I'm not stupidly busy, but at least
I'm not stupidly busy with stupid thoughts anymore - or at least I am, but only for about 10% of the time. It's
most bizarre and I don't know how long it will last, but I am going to
enjoy it while it does.
Older and wiser?
I'm not freaked out by being 27 (mostly). My birthday was brilliant - I spent
it with friends who actually seem to care that I'm OK, who want
to come out and dance their socks off with me, and who make me feel so
happy and comfortable in my own skin that I'm trying not to pinch myself
whenever I see them. Wow, group hug moment.
This year my birthday was
not about getting old, it was about having fun - and even though I keep
thinking 'Wow, today is the oldest I have ever been' and checking for wrinkles, another more
positive, smart-aleck side of my brain then quipps 'And it's also the
youngest you're ever going to be again, ha ha!' (someone also pointed this out
on Twitter - thanks, someone). And when I think of it like that, I think
every day is really quite enjoyable. WHO AM I?
Don't get me wrong, I can still be grumpy, and get cross when a commuter puts a bag on a seat or when the milk runs out at 4pm just as I need a cuppa. But what's different is I have a bit of hope for this year - I'm in a good place, my parents are about to move to a good place, I have six weddings to go to this year proving 2013 is all about romance - and my friend's psychic reckons someone beginning with J might meet her husband this year. Ryan Gosling, I'm right this way.
